Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
