Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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