sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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