Can i not drive my cunt home
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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