i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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