Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
