just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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