you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
