Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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