You smell like stripper and shame
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
