I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
