some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
