I think my vagina is haunted
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
