and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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