He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
