I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
