How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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