You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
