We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
