oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
