he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its liver damage thursday
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
