just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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