Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
