im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
