I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
