If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
