well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
