Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
