I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the condom got lost in my hair
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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