I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
