You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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