Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
