Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
