They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
