and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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