Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
