gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
honey bunches of taint.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
