I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
