Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
