i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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