Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
