question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
