p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
