the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
