I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
