Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
We just shotgunned beers for America
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
