In the future we'll all be gay
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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