I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
