And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
