Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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