Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
