What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
