So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
