I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
