HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
